Posted in Uncategorized on November 27, 2010 by rantingkame

If only Barbies could get married
If only I was born the prince
Why do I dream of kissing my friend
Please help me to make sense

It’s not on the TV
I can’t find a book
Are there people like me?
Where do I begin to look?

My parents don’t talk about it
Would they abandon me
Will anyone stay my friend
A dark grim future is all I can see

When I find out
There are people like me too
All I hear are these insults
What’s a person to do?

There’s something called a closet!
I think I’m already inside
It’s sufficating me
Am I being buried alive?

There is a way out
The truth must be told
Otherwise you’ll just rot in the closet
And its getting really old

But where do I start?
Who could I tell first?
I’ve kept this secret so long
This really is the worst

Some friends still loved me
Some took their leave
My mother is still my mother
The ironic web life weaves

One day I might be walking on egg shells
But I will never crack
I finally love myself for who I am
And now there’s no going back.

Love ya


My 1st Love

Posted in Uncategorized on November 26, 2010 by rantingkame

You know that bubbly feeling you get when you meet that someone…well I didn’t have that. I hated her at first. I hated her as much as a seven year old could. From the moment she joined my sunday school class she was someone every girl wanted to be and every guy wanted to pick on (they knew they liked her). Basically she was their IT girl. And I would catch her glancing at me, or more my stuffed animal cat sunflower (I was seven okay, I still brought stuffed animals with me). Then the next sunday she came in holding the exact same cat!!!! Only her’s was a boy named Tiger. I think everyone could see my hatred towords her then. But then something funny happened we started talking through our cats (again I was seven). And all the anger melted away and I was left waiting for the next sunday when I could finally talk to her. We had sleep over and she got me into neopets. Apparently our cats fell in love with each other and we had several beautiful wedding services for them. Then we started calling each other, once we talked for over eight hours 🙂 and our parents either had to ground us or take the phone away to keep us from not talking to each other. And when our parents demanded that we needed to get off the phone we would use the long good-bye and talk to each other for another hour. We never slept at sleepovers, we had too much fun. She was the friend that I would risk my life for. She was the most important person in my life. And I started having dreams of us getting married in the future. But I’d never heard of two women getting married so I thought it was impossible. I didn’t worry cause I thought that we’d always be together. Then my dad got a new job and we moved. Luckily it was only two hours away so I still saw her and we always talked to each other. After awhile I began to notice that I lingered a bit when we hugged, I never wanted to let her go. It just felt right. When I was ten I started hearing about gays and at first I thought “now I have a chance with her. We can have a relationship.” But immediatly after that I heard them saying it was a sin. I was horrified with myself. I couldn’t be in love with her, if I loved her she would go to hell. I couldn’t sleep, I would cry alone in my room and I couldn’t tell anyone. Then I started to ignore my friend. She’d be safe if she hated me. But she never did, no matter how many times I tried to ignore her calls she always called me back. So I didn’t pick up the phone anymore it was too painful to hear her voice, warm and loving, ready to forgive me. When she finally stopped calling me I thought it was over…then it happened again. Someone new had entered my life

I’ll have “My 2nd Love” up soon

Love ya,

this is sunflower/Tiger

Revolutionary Girl Utena Opening

Posted in Uncategorized on November 24, 2010 by rantingkame

Revolutionary Girl Utena – (Anthy, Utena, Touga)- Bad Romance

Posted in Uncategorized on November 24, 2010 by rantingkame

Strawberry Panic Te Amo

Posted in Uncategorized on November 24, 2010 by rantingkame

Destroying The Closet

Posted in Glad To Be Here, Lis&Kelsey, Love, Taking A Stand, The Secret Circle, The Vampire Diaries, WTF moment on November 13, 2010 by rantingkame

If any of my friends/ family happen to read this before I get a chance to tell you I am very sorry, but I’ve been dying to blog about it. I’ve known that I had an interest in girls since eighth grade when I fell hard for one of my classmates who happened to be Bi. So I thought, “Maybe I’m Bi? Or maybe this will pass.” W-R-O-N-G!!! It went in the opposite direction. I seemed to have no motivation to have any relationship with a guy outside of friendship. And then I would see a beautiful girl at the mall and wonder “What’s she like. Oh, crap she’s looking at me? Is she into me? Does she think I’m a freak? Etc…” I desired a romantic relationship with a girl. I just couldn’t see myself married to a man. The thought of kissing a guy was just akward; while a girl’s kiss might’ve sent me to cloud nine (depending on the girl). Then A LOT of memories came flooding back at me. I remembered thinking about marrying , lets just call her childhood friend A, and it wasn’t just one time, but I put it all aside once I found out how the Bible “felt” about it. I was TOO spiritual. And all I could think about was running away from those feelings. My folks were going through a divorce, I had NO family near me, and I went to a private Christian school. I was scared. So I did the exact opposite of what you should do, I drown myself in the world of guys.

Dark times.

Dark times.

I even went out with one of my (ex) guy friends for a month. Nothing offical at all. And then this summer I finally realised that I was full on LESBIAN!!! Again, I was scared. But by that time we (my mom and I had moved). However it was ten minutes away from my puritan grandma. So I kept it hidden as the new school year started. Then my saving grace came. While doing a poetry unit in Creative Writing class, one girl in my class wrote a poem, coming out of the closet. And nobody in the class mocked her, shunned her, or isolated her at all. And I admired her for being brave enough to come out to her peers, and I was ashamed that I wouldn’t even keep up a relationship, a wonderful friendship, with friend A, just because I was afraid of who I was and the feelings she brought out in me. The next day I came out to the class as well. By the end of the week my closest friends knew and accepted that I was gay. Weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and the air seemed to lose its thickness. I was out of that damn closet which I had hidden myself in for so long. Its my life and this is who I am, can’t change it.

I am a lesbian.

P.S. The reason I haven’t been doing The Vampire Diaries reviews lately is because: (1) I’ve been swamped with work. (2) I want to enjoy the episodes for awhile. That’s it. I’ll continue next year. Plus CW might be making The Secret Circle into a TV pilot. Crossing fingers.

The American Terrorists

Posted in WTF moment with tags on November 13, 2010 by rantingkame