Archive for the Lis&Kelsey Category

Destroying The Closet

Posted in Glad To Be Here, Lis&Kelsey, Love, Taking A Stand, The Secret Circle, The Vampire Diaries, WTF moment on November 13, 2010 by rantingkame

If any of my friends/ family happen to read this before I get a chance to tell you I am very sorry, but I’ve been dying to blog about it. I’ve known that I had an interest in girls since eighth grade when I fell hard for one of my classmates who happened to be Bi. So I thought, “Maybe I’m Bi? Or maybe this will pass.” W-R-O-N-G!!! It went in the opposite direction. I seemed to have no motivation to have any relationship with a guy outside of friendship. And then I would see a beautiful girl at the mall and wonder “What’s she like. Oh, crap she’s looking at me? Is she into me? Does she think I’m a freak? Etc…” I desired a romantic relationship with a girl. I just couldn’t see myself married to a man. The thought of kissing a guy was just akward; while a girl’s kiss might’ve sent me to cloud nine (depending on the girl). Then A LOT of memories came flooding back at me. I remembered thinking about marrying , lets just call her childhood friend A, and it wasn’t just one time, but I put it all aside once I found out how the Bible “felt” about it. I was TOO spiritual. And all I could think about was running away from those feelings. My folks were going through a divorce, I had NO family near me, and I went to a private Christian school. I was scared. So I did the exact opposite of what you should do, I drown myself in the world of guys.

Dark times.

Dark times.

I even went out with one of my (ex) guy friends for a month. Nothing offical at all. And then this summer I finally realised that I was full on LESBIAN!!! Again, I was scared. But by that time we (my mom and I had moved). However it was ten minutes away from my puritan grandma. So I kept it hidden as the new school year started. Then my saving grace came. While doing a poetry unit in Creative Writing class, one girl in my class wrote a poem, coming out of the closet. And nobody in the class mocked her, shunned her, or isolated her at all. And I admired her for being brave enough to come out to her peers, and I was ashamed that I wouldn’t even keep up a relationship, a wonderful friendship, with friend A, just because I was afraid of who I was and the feelings she brought out in me. The next day I came out to the class as well. By the end of the week my closest friends knew and accepted that I was gay. Weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and the air seemed to lose its thickness. I was out of that damn closet which I had hidden myself in for so long. Its my life and this is who I am, can’t change it.

I am a lesbian.

P.S. The reason I haven’t been doing The Vampire Diaries reviews lately is because: (1) I’ve been swamped with work. (2) I want to enjoy the episodes for awhile. That’s it. I’ll continue next year. Plus CW might be making The Secret Circle into a TV pilot. Crossing fingers.



Posted in Lis&Kelsey on December 26, 2009 by rantingkame

Yesterday I watched Julia&Julie, the movie about two incredible stories and how they are connected. Lost in a sea of misery, and pulled out of it by. . . . . food? I cannot relate because of my lack of cooking talent. Last thanksgiving I made rock hard, break your teeth off peanut butter cookies. But enough about America’s newest threat. After watching the movie I thought about who do I see as my Julia Child? Is there someone out here who pulled me out of a jam? And guess what……… there is! And her name is Lisa Jane Smith, author of The Vampire Diaries and The Night World series. I remember the day I picked up one of her books and felt happy, or should I say over joyed while reading it. She wrote the story I had been waiting my whole life to read.

As Julie Powell said in the movie, “It’s nice to know that after a day where nothing goes right, you know that if you put eggs, chocolate, butter, and milk together, you know it will became gooey.” (Sorry if that is not what she really said; I forgot most of it). With me it’s more like comming home from a day of drama and knowing that in the end Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy are in love. And also like Julie, Lisa and I have differences. For one, she loves rollar costers, and I hate them. Okay that was more of an opinion difference, but we were both saved by writing in same way.