Archive for the Love Category

Destroying The Closet

Posted in Glad To Be Here, Lis&Kelsey, Love, Taking A Stand, The Secret Circle, The Vampire Diaries, WTF moment on November 13, 2010 by rantingkame

If any of my friends/ family happen to read this before I get a chance to tell you I am very sorry, but I’ve been dying to blog about it. I’ve known that I had an interest in girls since eighth grade when I fell hard for one of my classmates who happened to be Bi. So I thought, “Maybe I’m Bi? Or maybe this will pass.” W-R-O-N-G!!! It went in the opposite direction. I seemed to have no motivation to have any relationship with a guy outside of friendship. And then I would see a beautiful girl at the mall and wonder “What’s she like. Oh, crap she’s looking at me? Is she into me? Does she think I’m a freak? Etc…” I desired a romantic relationship with a girl. I just couldn’t see myself married to a man. The thought of kissing a guy was just akward; while a girl’s kiss might’ve sent me to cloud nine (depending on the girl). Then A LOT of memories came flooding back at me. I remembered thinking about marrying , lets just call her childhood friend A, and it wasn’t just one time, but I put it all aside once I found out how the Bible “felt” about it. I was TOO spiritual. And all I could think about was running away from those feelings. My folks were going through a divorce, I had NO family near me, and I went to a private Christian school. I was scared. So I did the exact opposite of what you should do, I drown myself in the world of guys.

Dark times.

Dark times.

I even went out with one of my (ex) guy friends for a month. Nothing offical at all. And then this summer I finally realised that I was full on LESBIAN!!! Again, I was scared. But by that time we (my mom and I had moved). However it was ten minutes away from my puritan grandma. So I kept it hidden as the new school year started. Then my saving grace came. While doing a poetry unit in Creative Writing class, one girl in my class wrote a poem, coming out of the closet. And nobody in the class mocked her, shunned her, or isolated her at all. And I admired her for being brave enough to come out to her peers, and I was ashamed that I wouldn’t even keep up a relationship, a wonderful friendship, with friend A, just because I was afraid of who I was and the feelings she brought out in me. The next day I came out to the class as well. By the end of the week my closest friends knew and accepted that I was gay. Weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and the air seemed to lose its thickness. I was out of that damn closet which I had hidden myself in for so long. Its my life and this is who I am, can’t change it.

I am a lesbian.
Kane

P.S. The reason I haven’t been doing The Vampire Diaries reviews lately is because: (1) I’ve been swamped with work. (2) I want to enjoy the episodes for awhile. That’s it. I’ll continue next year. Plus CW might be making The Secret Circle into a TV pilot. Crossing fingers.

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Guys are clueless in love!

Posted in Love, Random on October 18, 2009 by rantingkame

Just as the title says, guys are clueless in the love department.There is a guy I like, I see him in the library or sometimes in the gym and he is sooooooooooooo nice, and sweet, and funny. The best part is I don’t have to act like my normal insane self to impress him. He loves books, is hard working and intelligent, he doesn’t easily get mad; which is a big plus for me. Still with all of that, HE CAN’T EVEN FIGURE OUT THAT I LIKE HIM!!!!! I wonder somtimes if God put men on the earth and said “Let them be clueless in love.” If he did then I am really ticked at him right now. I just want a date with the guy but he’s too clueless see my feelings for him. If you have any advice please put it in the comment box. And thanks for your support!